51. Office moved.
52. Grayson reading a book.
53. God showing me I'm letting stress get to me.
54. Walking last night.
55. Grayson's laughter.
56. The rain today. It smelled so good.
57. Slowly getting the house unpacked.
58. Braxton going to be 3.
59. Talking to Chris 2x's this week.
60. Thinking about my school friend Janis.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
DEFINING MOMENT
Defining Moment.
The moment that defined who we are. I'm not sure what my defining momement was.
The Birth of My Children?
My Marriages and Divorces?
Graduating from College?
The lost of my brother?
The lost of my dad? My Grandmother?
The birth of my grandchildren?
The day I accepted Jesus?
Or would the tiny moments in our lives be our defining moment?
Riding in Freewheel?
The times I had my heart broken?
Times spent with my family?
Jobs?
MOVING?
ILLNESS?
Defining moments, I believe, can be all of the above.
The moments that take our breath away, the moments that make us stronger, the moments that make us laugh or cry, moments that gets us on our knees and cry out to God.
DEFINING MOMENTS! All moments shape us into who we are.
The moment that defined who we are. I'm not sure what my defining momement was.
The Birth of My Children?
My Marriages and Divorces?
Graduating from College?
The lost of my brother?
The lost of my dad? My Grandmother?
The birth of my grandchildren?
The day I accepted Jesus?
Or would the tiny moments in our lives be our defining moment?
Riding in Freewheel?
The times I had my heart broken?
Times spent with my family?
Jobs?
MOVING?
ILLNESS?
Defining moments, I believe, can be all of the above.
The moments that take our breath away, the moments that make us stronger, the moments that make us laugh or cry, moments that gets us on our knees and cry out to God.
DEFINING MOMENTS! All moments shape us into who we are.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
So thankful!
41. Frontier City
42. Watching stranger's faces as they rode rides.
43. Riding the boat ride and being so scared and laughing at the same time.
44. Watching grandkids have a good time.
45. The funny things Brax says. What a character.
46. Watching Grayson play soccer.
47. A freshly mowed lawn.
48. Listening to God.
49. Family, Family, My family. I am so blessed.
50. Subway. Love their sandwiches.
42. Watching stranger's faces as they rode rides.
43. Riding the boat ride and being so scared and laughing at the same time.
44. Watching grandkids have a good time.
45. The funny things Brax says. What a character.
46. Watching Grayson play soccer.
47. A freshly mowed lawn.
48. Listening to God.
49. Family, Family, My family. I am so blessed.
50. Subway. Love their sandwiches.
Monday, April 26, 2010
God sent an Angel in a time of need......Sayre Part 6 1990
Do you believe in Angles? I do and this is why.
I went to bed that night crying, holding my bible and praying. How was I going to survive this hurt?? So far away from home. No one to lean on but God. GOD who would show me that HE was the only one that I could count on unconditionally.
The frontroom windows and my bedroom windows looked out over the front yard and drive. As I laid there praying my bedroom was suddenly ablaze with light. My schnauzer, named Lady, started barking. I had never seen the bedroom light up that way. I looked out the window and saw a woman she had blonde hair and an old white car was in the driveway with its lights on. My first reaction was that it was Lisa and I thought How Dare Her!!! come to my house in the middle of the night. Hasn't she done enough?? I was mad. I grabbed Lady and headed to the frontroom. I had grabbed Lady to shut her up because I didn't want her to wake the girls. When we got to the frontroom it was ablaze in light. I thought Lisa must have left her car lights on. When I reached the front door I went flying out. I was fighting mad. As I stood on the porch holding Lady I noticed the woman standing there was not Lisa.
The woman standing at the foot of the steps was dressed in a white robe with a gold cord around her waiste and blonde hair. I had never seen this woman before. This is how the conversation went with my ANGEL. Yes, I said Angel.
Woman: Sam has had a heartattack.
Me: Can I help you? Are you looking for someone?
Woman: David's son is on drugs. A tear slides down her face.
Me: What do you need me to do?
Woman: Kathy just lost two of her teenagers in a carwreck. A tear slides down her face.
Woman: Jim is homeless.
I keep asking her what I can do to help her. Do I need to call someone? She continues to tell me about all these people who are hurting. I stop asking her what I can do and just listen. I look at the car in the driveway with it's lights still on. It's an older white car. I still have Lady in my arms and the whole time the woman is talking Lady is being very quiet which is very unusual for her. The woman quietly tells me about all these people who are hurting and I realized there are many more people that are hurting far more than I am. I start saying Thank You Jesus, Thank You Jesus for showing me that I am not alone in my hurt. As I'm saying this a warm light starts at the top of my head and goes down my body slowly. As it goes down my body I feel such a love that I can't even describe it. When it gets to my feet I turn to go in the house and I look back to see if the is still there she is gone. I look toward the driveway the car is gone. I looked toward the road. No car in sight. There is no way that she could have left in the car that quick. God sent an Angel to me. As I went into the house the house was dark, no longer bright with light. I realized then that the car light would not have shown into the window even with the lights on because the driveway faced the side of the house. NOT directly in front of the house.I went back to bed and slept like a baby with such peace and love. I was going to be fine. Yes, I was going to fine. I was learning to lean totally on God!
I will continue my story with more things that God did the short time we were in Sayre.
I went to bed that night crying, holding my bible and praying. How was I going to survive this hurt?? So far away from home. No one to lean on but God. GOD who would show me that HE was the only one that I could count on unconditionally.
The frontroom windows and my bedroom windows looked out over the front yard and drive. As I laid there praying my bedroom was suddenly ablaze with light. My schnauzer, named Lady, started barking. I had never seen the bedroom light up that way. I looked out the window and saw a woman she had blonde hair and an old white car was in the driveway with its lights on. My first reaction was that it was Lisa and I thought How Dare Her!!! come to my house in the middle of the night. Hasn't she done enough?? I was mad. I grabbed Lady and headed to the frontroom. I had grabbed Lady to shut her up because I didn't want her to wake the girls. When we got to the frontroom it was ablaze in light. I thought Lisa must have left her car lights on. When I reached the front door I went flying out. I was fighting mad. As I stood on the porch holding Lady I noticed the woman standing there was not Lisa.
The woman standing at the foot of the steps was dressed in a white robe with a gold cord around her waiste and blonde hair. I had never seen this woman before. This is how the conversation went with my ANGEL. Yes, I said Angel.
Woman: Sam has had a heartattack.
Me: Can I help you? Are you looking for someone?
Woman: David's son is on drugs. A tear slides down her face.
Me: What do you need me to do?
Woman: Kathy just lost two of her teenagers in a carwreck. A tear slides down her face.
Woman: Jim is homeless.
I keep asking her what I can do to help her. Do I need to call someone? She continues to tell me about all these people who are hurting. I stop asking her what I can do and just listen. I look at the car in the driveway with it's lights still on. It's an older white car. I still have Lady in my arms and the whole time the woman is talking Lady is being very quiet which is very unusual for her. The woman quietly tells me about all these people who are hurting and I realized there are many more people that are hurting far more than I am. I start saying Thank You Jesus, Thank You Jesus for showing me that I am not alone in my hurt. As I'm saying this a warm light starts at the top of my head and goes down my body slowly. As it goes down my body I feel such a love that I can't even describe it. When it gets to my feet I turn to go in the house and I look back to see if the is still there she is gone. I look toward the driveway the car is gone. I looked toward the road. No car in sight. There is no way that she could have left in the car that quick. God sent an Angel to me. As I went into the house the house was dark, no longer bright with light. I realized then that the car light would not have shown into the window even with the lights on because the driveway faced the side of the house. NOT directly in front of the house.I went back to bed and slept like a baby with such peace and love. I was going to be fine. Yes, I was going to fine. I was learning to lean totally on God!
I will continue my story with more things that God did the short time we were in Sayre.
Friday, April 16, 2010
1,000 gifts continues
32. Moved into new home.
33. Spring. Everything blooming!
34. Family, can't say enough about my family!
35. My daughter in law Starla, catching up with her on the phone.
36. Braxton, so funny! He always makes us a laugh.
37. Talking to mom.
38. Staff that show up to work when they are suppose to.
39. Reading a blog about a little girl with brain cancer and the kindness of strangers.
40. Southcrest ER...Dr Stone very good with Grayson.
33. Spring. Everything blooming!
34. Family, can't say enough about my family!
35. My daughter in law Starla, catching up with her on the phone.
36. Braxton, so funny! He always makes us a laugh.
37. Talking to mom.
38. Staff that show up to work when they are suppose to.
39. Reading a blog about a little girl with brain cancer and the kindness of strangers.
40. Southcrest ER...Dr Stone very good with Grayson.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Sayre.....Part 5 1990
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart. And save such as have a contrite spirit.
Psalm 34:18
I went to bed that night crying and holding my bible. I would go to bed like this for awhile.....crying, holding my bible and praying.
During the middle of the night a few nites later I called my friend Paula and talked to her awhile. Paula told me that this wasn't the first time. That Mark had been fired from another job for questionable behavior toward some teenage girls in his charge. Later my son told me that his dad (who was on the school board) had told him that some parents had complained about comments he had made to their girls while on a bus trip. My gosh, how much more was I going to have to hear and bear. Did he do anything to my girls?? They assured me he hadn't.
After I talked to Paula I called my ex husband Nathan in Florida. I needed to tell him I was sorry for the hurt and pain I had caused him with our divorce. He was very gracious and accepted my apology. We talked for a long time.
The first weekend after this happened the kids and I went home. Just before this I had spent almost all of my check on groceries so we did not have much money. At home I was restless. I couldn't make sense of this. How could you walk out on a marriage and not talk about it?? There was no closure. I was left hanging and not knowing what went wrong. I was so confused.
The kids and I went back to Sayre. My mom had wanted me to move back right then but I wanted to wait until school was out. I still felt like I was married and so didn't know for sure what to do. But I felt God was telling me to stay put in Sayre. When we got home we had a surprise. Mark had broke into the house and took all of our groceries and some other items. I was shocked!! He was taking our food to feed Lisa and her girls. How much more was I to take?? Mark said he felt like he had a right to the food. He left us with none. I wrote a hot check for us to have groceries and prayed it didn't go to the bank until I had deposited my next check.
A week or so later I called my mother in law, Ruth, and was talking to her to see if she had heard from Mark. I still couldn't get him to talk to me. I wanted to know what she knew and I knew Ruth would think her son was rotten for doing this! It would be good to talk to someone on my side! But that wasn't to be. Ruth told me that he had brought Lisa home to meet her?!? And that she seemed like a lovely girl. A lovely girl?? Was I hearing this right? I said Ruth they are both still married. I started crying and Ruth said I needed to quit acting like a baby and move on. I hung up the phone never to talk to her again. I was never so hurt in my life. It was like a knife stuck in my heart. Ruth was a Christian and Mark's dad a pastor. Could she really be saying this??? Later, I would receive a letter from Mark's dad saying he was sorry for what his son had done and that I would always be his daughter in law. I also received a letter from his uncle saying that he was sorry.
Mathew 11:28-30
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take heart; and you will find rest for your souls, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Rest, oh how I needed rest. To be continued.
Psalm 34:18
I went to bed that night crying and holding my bible. I would go to bed like this for awhile.....crying, holding my bible and praying.
During the middle of the night a few nites later I called my friend Paula and talked to her awhile. Paula told me that this wasn't the first time. That Mark had been fired from another job for questionable behavior toward some teenage girls in his charge. Later my son told me that his dad (who was on the school board) had told him that some parents had complained about comments he had made to their girls while on a bus trip. My gosh, how much more was I going to have to hear and bear. Did he do anything to my girls?? They assured me he hadn't.
After I talked to Paula I called my ex husband Nathan in Florida. I needed to tell him I was sorry for the hurt and pain I had caused him with our divorce. He was very gracious and accepted my apology. We talked for a long time.
The first weekend after this happened the kids and I went home. Just before this I had spent almost all of my check on groceries so we did not have much money. At home I was restless. I couldn't make sense of this. How could you walk out on a marriage and not talk about it?? There was no closure. I was left hanging and not knowing what went wrong. I was so confused.
The kids and I went back to Sayre. My mom had wanted me to move back right then but I wanted to wait until school was out. I still felt like I was married and so didn't know for sure what to do. But I felt God was telling me to stay put in Sayre. When we got home we had a surprise. Mark had broke into the house and took all of our groceries and some other items. I was shocked!! He was taking our food to feed Lisa and her girls. How much more was I to take?? Mark said he felt like he had a right to the food. He left us with none. I wrote a hot check for us to have groceries and prayed it didn't go to the bank until I had deposited my next check.
A week or so later I called my mother in law, Ruth, and was talking to her to see if she had heard from Mark. I still couldn't get him to talk to me. I wanted to know what she knew and I knew Ruth would think her son was rotten for doing this! It would be good to talk to someone on my side! But that wasn't to be. Ruth told me that he had brought Lisa home to meet her?!? And that she seemed like a lovely girl. A lovely girl?? Was I hearing this right? I said Ruth they are both still married. I started crying and Ruth said I needed to quit acting like a baby and move on. I hung up the phone never to talk to her again. I was never so hurt in my life. It was like a knife stuck in my heart. Ruth was a Christian and Mark's dad a pastor. Could she really be saying this??? Later, I would receive a letter from Mark's dad saying he was sorry for what his son had done and that I would always be his daughter in law. I also received a letter from his uncle saying that he was sorry.
Mathew 11:28-30
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take heart; and you will find rest for your souls, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Rest, oh how I needed rest. To be continued.
1,000 Gifts continued
26. Beautiful dogwood trees.
27. Sharing bible verses with Tiffany.
28. Lori job interview.
29. Moving to our new house this wknd.
30. Grayson making a friend at our new house. First time she has lived in a neighborhood where there where children her age. YEAH!
31. Church Services this pass week. So good!
27. Sharing bible verses with Tiffany.
28. Lori job interview.
29. Moving to our new house this wknd.
30. Grayson making a friend at our new house. First time she has lived in a neighborhood where there where children her age. YEAH!
31. Church Services this pass week. So good!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Sayre.....Part 4. 1990's
We had started attending the First Baptist Church. Mark wanted to join this church because that's were the top business men went and he was one of them. The same time we started another couple also joined, Arlene and David. David was the new optometrist in town. Arlene, would become a very close friend.
Mark's sister and brother in law came to visit us for a few days. While they were here visiting we went to eat and I noticed that he was calling the waitress honey and baby. This was something he never did before. The uneasiness was still with me.
A couple of weeks later I woke up in the middle of night to find Mark not in bed. I thought he must not have been able to sleep and I would find him watching TV in the living room. This was before cell phones so I couldn't call him. He came home a few hours later and when I asked him where he had been he said at work. He was an administrator of a nursing home and said he had gone to make sure employees where working. I didn't say anything at the time but in my heart I knew that wasn't true but wanted to believe him so bad.
During this time he wasn't coming to bed but staying up watching TV. When I would ask him to come to bed he would say he wasn't sleepy. During this time he wasn't telling me he loved me which he always did before and was really acting like he couldn't stand to be around me. Things were different and when I would ask what was wrong he would say nothing.
My birthday came around and he gave me a dozen roses. I was surprised. I thought things were going to be different. The next day the 12 roses had died and were black as black could be. I looked at those roses and thought "our love has died'.
A week or so later I was looking at his checkbook and noticed an entry and a receipt for an expensive place to eat. The receipt was for two. My heart fell. Mark hadn't taken me so who did he take?? I asked him about it and he blew it off saying he had taken someone to eat for doing a good job. I knew he was lying. I was so scared. We had moved 600 miles from family and I didn't have anyone to talk to. I felt like my life was spinning out of control and there wasn't anything I could do about it.
A week later he told me that Lisa (the sugary sweet one!) was getting a divorce. I was shocked and scared at the same time. Mark also told me he had been fired! Mark also said Lisa had been fired. When I asked him why he said something that didn't even make sense and he didn't want to talk about it.
A couple of nights later I woke up, checked on the kids, and noticed Tiffany was not in her bed. I thought she has sneaked out! I jumped in my car to find Tiffany. I didn't even notice that Mark's car was gone. I was going to go downtown to see if she was hanging out there. Instead of turning right I turned left out of the drive. I thought I'm going the wrong way and turned left again and then seen a trailer park and I thought I would turn around in there. I had never been this way and didn't even know the trailer park existed. While I was driving through to turn around I noticed Mark's car parked in front of a trailer. OH MY GOSH! I was furious! So this is what's going on. I was so mad I didn't even think about what I was doing. I jumped out of my car and ran to the trailer door and started pounding. I was pounding on the door so hard that it came opened. I went inside and it was empty! I was going to every trailer until I found him. I was obviously not thinking too straight. I could have been killed pounding on doors and breaking in. I went to the next trailer. The lights were on and I could hear a TV. I pounded, I could here someone say "moma someone's at the door". I didn't say anything but pounded. The door opened and I went in (was that crazy or what) and saw Lisa's daughter and I knew what was going on. I went down the hall and Mark was coming out of the bedroom, he was scared because he thought it was Lisa's husband. I could see Lisa lying in bed. I asked him "what the hell are you doing here". He said "I'm just visiting". I yelled "if you want to visit, visit with your wife". Great comeback, huh! He told me to go home and he would be there. I don't know how I got home but when he came home I was throwing his stuff into the yard. I was yelling. Acting liking a crazed woman. Thinking how could he do this. He grabbed me and bent my arms around to my back and leaned me over the couch. Mark said "I married you because I thought you would die". " I didn't know you were going to live this long". The fight went out of me. He thought I was going to die?? I was in my 30's why was I going to die. I had been real sick before he asked me to marry him but I wasn't going to die. I watched him carry his stuff out to the car and then he woke up Markie. Markie wanted to know what was going on and he told him they were leaving. I asked him where he was going and he said to Lisa's. Could my heart break anymore? This was it. NO talking about it. Our marriage was over.
Later, I realized God led me to that park. God prepared me for this. It was during this time, since I was so far from my family, that I learned to lean totally on God! I was so lost and hurt.
Mark's sister and brother in law came to visit us for a few days. While they were here visiting we went to eat and I noticed that he was calling the waitress honey and baby. This was something he never did before. The uneasiness was still with me.
A couple of weeks later I woke up in the middle of night to find Mark not in bed. I thought he must not have been able to sleep and I would find him watching TV in the living room. This was before cell phones so I couldn't call him. He came home a few hours later and when I asked him where he had been he said at work. He was an administrator of a nursing home and said he had gone to make sure employees where working. I didn't say anything at the time but in my heart I knew that wasn't true but wanted to believe him so bad.
During this time he wasn't coming to bed but staying up watching TV. When I would ask him to come to bed he would say he wasn't sleepy. During this time he wasn't telling me he loved me which he always did before and was really acting like he couldn't stand to be around me. Things were different and when I would ask what was wrong he would say nothing.
My birthday came around and he gave me a dozen roses. I was surprised. I thought things were going to be different. The next day the 12 roses had died and were black as black could be. I looked at those roses and thought "our love has died'.
A week or so later I was looking at his checkbook and noticed an entry and a receipt for an expensive place to eat. The receipt was for two. My heart fell. Mark hadn't taken me so who did he take?? I asked him about it and he blew it off saying he had taken someone to eat for doing a good job. I knew he was lying. I was so scared. We had moved 600 miles from family and I didn't have anyone to talk to. I felt like my life was spinning out of control and there wasn't anything I could do about it.
A week later he told me that Lisa (the sugary sweet one!) was getting a divorce. I was shocked and scared at the same time. Mark also told me he had been fired! Mark also said Lisa had been fired. When I asked him why he said something that didn't even make sense and he didn't want to talk about it.
A couple of nights later I woke up, checked on the kids, and noticed Tiffany was not in her bed. I thought she has sneaked out! I jumped in my car to find Tiffany. I didn't even notice that Mark's car was gone. I was going to go downtown to see if she was hanging out there. Instead of turning right I turned left out of the drive. I thought I'm going the wrong way and turned left again and then seen a trailer park and I thought I would turn around in there. I had never been this way and didn't even know the trailer park existed. While I was driving through to turn around I noticed Mark's car parked in front of a trailer. OH MY GOSH! I was furious! So this is what's going on. I was so mad I didn't even think about what I was doing. I jumped out of my car and ran to the trailer door and started pounding. I was pounding on the door so hard that it came opened. I went inside and it was empty! I was going to every trailer until I found him. I was obviously not thinking too straight. I could have been killed pounding on doors and breaking in. I went to the next trailer. The lights were on and I could hear a TV. I pounded, I could here someone say "moma someone's at the door". I didn't say anything but pounded. The door opened and I went in (was that crazy or what) and saw Lisa's daughter and I knew what was going on. I went down the hall and Mark was coming out of the bedroom, he was scared because he thought it was Lisa's husband. I could see Lisa lying in bed. I asked him "what the hell are you doing here". He said "I'm just visiting". I yelled "if you want to visit, visit with your wife". Great comeback, huh! He told me to go home and he would be there. I don't know how I got home but when he came home I was throwing his stuff into the yard. I was yelling. Acting liking a crazed woman. Thinking how could he do this. He grabbed me and bent my arms around to my back and leaned me over the couch. Mark said "I married you because I thought you would die". " I didn't know you were going to live this long". The fight went out of me. He thought I was going to die?? I was in my 30's why was I going to die. I had been real sick before he asked me to marry him but I wasn't going to die. I watched him carry his stuff out to the car and then he woke up Markie. Markie wanted to know what was going on and he told him they were leaving. I asked him where he was going and he said to Lisa's. Could my heart break anymore? This was it. NO talking about it. Our marriage was over.
Later, I realized God led me to that park. God prepared me for this. It was during this time, since I was so far from my family, that I learned to lean totally on God! I was so lost and hurt.
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