Shackles Free

Yesterday, I was wearing my Mandisa, Shackles Free t-shirt that I got at a EWomen conference. The t-shirt is also from her song below. I love that shirt because everytime I wear it I remember that the bonds have been broken. The bonds can be anything that keeps us from having the relationship with Christ that we are to have. My "bond" was Andre'. Just when I thought I could take no more He broke the chains that Andre' had over me. I woke up last night thinking about Andre', how long it had been, and thinking it was time for him to make contact. Well today he did by instant message. I just stared at it thinking What?? Is this a test?? Am I going to fail God by answering???? I think God was preparing me that Andre' was going to make contact and I was 'clothed in strength and dignity". The verse on the shirt is John 8:36 So if the son sets you free, you will free indeed. I am free! The chains are broken! Praise God!


Shackles (Praise You)

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise You
I just wanna praise You
You broke the chains, now I can lift my hands
And I'm gonna praise You
I'm gonna praise You

In the corners of mind
I just can't seem to find a reason to believe
That I can break free
‘Cause you see I have been down for so long
Feel like all hope is gone
But as I lift my hands, I understand
That I should praise You through my circumstance

Everything that could go wrong
All went wrong at one time
So much pressure fell on me
I thought I was gonna lose my mind
But I know You wanna see
If I will hold on through these trials
But I need You to lift this load
‘Cause I can't take it no more

Been through the fire and the rain
Bound in every kind of way
But God has broken every chain
So let me go

Brokenhearted

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed. Psalm 34:18

How many times have we felt crushed or brokenhearted? It could have been over a failed relationship/marriage, a job lost, our home in foreclosure, a child not walking with the Lord, a child with a terminal illness, a parent ill and as simple as someone hurting our feelings. Someone we trusted. But, nevertheless, brokenhearted and crushed. Or how about brokenhearted over something that we said or did that crushed someone? Whether intentional or not.

Lord, thank you for being near when my heart was breaking and putting your arms around me. Reminding me that I have you to love me unconditionally and restore me. Lord, I just pray that I will not crush anyone with my words or deeds today. Lord, I lift up those that are brokenhearted or crushed to draw you near.
In Jesus Name

Two Primary Roots of Struggle

Beth Moore gave us two questions to answer today from our reading of chapters 5 & 6 in "So Long, Insecurity". What were our two primary roots of struggle? ( she spoke of 6 roots of insecurity) What if any insight and did we sense God was speaking to us?

Oh Yes, God spoke to me!

I chose Instability in the Home and Rejection. First instability. I need to deal with that first. Beth says "abuse can have many faces. It can be emotional, mental, physical, verbal, or sexual. When we encounter any of those it just reinforces our thoughts that we are on our own. There is no one who will take care of me". How many
times have I thought those same things from a very early age? Too many times. I have always felt like I had to be the strong one no matter how I ached for someone to take care of me. To hold me. To say that everything will be alright. The closes I came to letting that happen was when my brother died. I could hardly bear it. Beth also said "if a female was a sizable source of our insecurity early on, we will tend to struggle more with security around or with women". In my case it was male. She goes on to say "The gender of the person who originally made us feel defenseless or inordinately defensive until we are healed". I always thought that whatever a man did to me I deserved. I'm going to be totally honest here. In my mind I thought since all my suffering came from man and I deserved whatever man did then I could never lash out at God or be angry at God cause He was man. I discovered my thinking of this lie along time ago in counseling. I dealt with that lie but never completely on my thoughts about men. I know we should always be honest with God and tell Him our true feelings. He knows them anyway so we need to be honest with ourselves.

Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of you. I will carry you and save you.
Isaiah 46:4 NCV

God will always love me and take care of me no matter what! God never leaves us or forsakes us. We may wander from Him but He is always waiting with open arms for us to come back. Thank You Jesus!

Rejection goes along with my thoughts on men and goes along with the instability. I get in relationships with men that I know deepest in my heart they are not for me. Because of the comfort zone. I know how it's going to feel at the beginning, the middle and the end. It's not a good feeling but it's what I know and I find myself self nodding to
You are so right...
I'm not worth wanting
I'm not worth loving
I'm not worth pursuing
I'm not worth fighting for
I'm not worth keeping
I'm not even worth noticing
Ouch does that hurt! Rejection can also gives us temporary insanity. I have found myself even obsessing over someone that I didn't really like but because of my comfort zone I felt that I needed them. I didn't even really want to be with them. But that's what I deserved. Putting up a front doesn't work.

As Beth says "God knows exactly what happened and what a toll it took. (oh what a toll it has taken on me)He knows the number it played on our mind. (oh did it) Let Him bring you peace. Let Him tell you you're worth fighting for, and yes, keeping".
God is the reason we are here. God knows it's scary to be us! I heave a sigh of relief just knowing that.

I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed for I am your God.
Isaiah 41:9-10

We become weak to become Strong.

"Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become." 2 Corinthians 12:10 MSG

God is not wasting the pain in your life. He never wastes a wound. He is healing you at this very moment and using that pain to show you a dream bigger than you realize. But you need to trust Him. When you trust, you allow room for hope.

When we are in the deep, deep valley we must hold on to the assurance that God stands firm and strong behind us. Nothing we experience will be wasted. It will all be used for our good to make us stronger, to make us walk closer to Him, to give us a more loving heart. In our greatest pain we need to lean greatly on God. Heis using our weakness to do His work in and through us, building trust, so that His dream for each of our lives can become a reality. (EWOMEN Daily Devotions)

When I read this I thought this is so true. How many times have I experienced this. God never showed it more true than He did to me when I lived in Sayre. Sayre, where so many things happen that can only be explained by God having control. I became so weak that I was strong. The presence of God was never so strong in my life as He was then. Even though it has been years since Sayre I think of that time in my life often, wanting back the closeness with God that I had. I want that closeness again. I can't say where did God go? He never left me. No, I can't say He hasn't always been there for me. He's been there quietly waiting for me to return to Him when I strayed from Him.

Insecurity

I've started a Beth Moore study online with her new book So Long Insecurity you've been a bad friend. I was really thinking that I wasn't insecure but would do the study anyway. What was I thinking?? Of course, I have insecurities, and they all have to do with men. Yes, men. Ok 98 percent is because of men. I have known this but didn't put it down as insecurity until I read the first few chapters. I am so use to men that I have been in relationships with treating me bad that when I do meet someone that is nice I don't like them, I'm not attracted to them. You know what I'm talking about if you have been in abusive relationships. You get in a comfort zone. You know what's going to happen, there are no surprises. You think that's what's suppose to happen. I have even went to counseling for this very thing. But it didn't take!

I have met 2 men (Danny and Monty) in the last year that were the opposite of what I was use to. They were nice guys. I'm not saying they were perfect. But nice. Treated me great. Nothing like what I was use to. So in all my insecurities I couldn't take it. I couldn't like someone like that or be attracted to someone that was going to treat me right. So what did I do. I ran as fast as I could. That's right. Broke up with one of them and stopped seeing one before it could get started. And did this under the disguise of Danny suffocating me and Monty not feeling it. I went looking for Andre'. Yes, Andre' my love, that one that I was comfortable with. There's that comfort zone again. Doctor, Doctor where are you?? That's crazy sounding I know. But if you have ever been there you know what I'm saying.

When I'm thinking normal, without my insecurities blaring at me, I think about Danny and Monty. Wondering why I couldn't have given them a chance? Why couldn't I have enjoyed a relationship with someone that treated me like I was someone special? Oh yea I'm insecure. That's the reason. But no more!! I'm ticked. I'm a scorned woman!So long Bad Friend!

Yes, I'm ready to say goodby. God prepares the way for us. God was preparing me for this book. Oh how He was preparing me. Nothing is by accident. It's destined. God knew I had to go through what I did with Andre' and what happened that last time we say each other to get to this point where I could read this book and know it was for me.

Andre'

The other day I was driving down the street when I had the strong urge to call Andre' and tell him something. Then I said to myself and I admit it was with sadness, I don't need to tell him anything and the desire was gone. God, you have been so faithful in taking that desire away. Thank you for always being there for me.

John 13:7

This morning I was reading Beth Moore's blog and she had this verse.



Jesus said in John 13:7


You don't realize what I'm doing now but later you will understand.





Later.





LATER





L.A.T.E.R





you will understand.





How many times do we say I don't understand how that could happen or why?? I know I do. All the time. We all have things in our lives that we don't understand. But God is in control and someday we will understand. It may not be our timing but in God's timing.

Phil 4:13

This is one of my favorite verses. It brings me so much comfort. So much.



I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me. Phil 4:13



This verse became part of my life when I lived in Sayre, Ok. I would go to bed each night crying and holding my bible not understanding the things I was going through. More on that another time. Reading my bible one night I found this verse and claimed it!



I can do all things through Christ. Without Him I am nothing. Weak. With Him I am strong! He gives me strength. I can face anything! And since that night in Sayre He has been more faithful than I ever could have imagine. Sayre was a turning point in my faith. I grew so strong in my faith and continue to grow. Yes, I have strayed, not been the person I should have been but God is always with me. He waits patiently for me to come back to His open arms.



God is Good, Good is Faithful. I'm so Blessed. I give Him the Praises and Glory!

Haiti

It is so sad the news on Haiti. That would be so devastating. I think of all those people who have lost loved ones, their homes, their jobs...just wandering the streets. I don't have much to give but I did donate money through compassion. I'm so thankful for my blessings and pray for everyone in Haiti.

Faith

My faith is very strong. I could not have survived the things I have without a strong faith. I will talk more about my faith at another time. But for now I am claiming this verse this week:

He is your constant source of stability. He abundantly provides safety and great wisdom; He gives all this to those who fear Him. Isaiah 33:6