Two Primary Roots of Struggle

Beth Moore gave us two questions to answer today from our reading of chapters 5 & 6 in "So Long, Insecurity". What were our two primary roots of struggle? ( she spoke of 6 roots of insecurity) What if any insight and did we sense God was speaking to us?

Oh Yes, God spoke to me!

I chose Instability in the Home and Rejection. First instability. I need to deal with that first. Beth says "abuse can have many faces. It can be emotional, mental, physical, verbal, or sexual. When we encounter any of those it just reinforces our thoughts that we are on our own. There is no one who will take care of me". How many
times have I thought those same things from a very early age? Too many times. I have always felt like I had to be the strong one no matter how I ached for someone to take care of me. To hold me. To say that everything will be alright. The closes I came to letting that happen was when my brother died. I could hardly bear it. Beth also said "if a female was a sizable source of our insecurity early on, we will tend to struggle more with security around or with women". In my case it was male. She goes on to say "The gender of the person who originally made us feel defenseless or inordinately defensive until we are healed". I always thought that whatever a man did to me I deserved. I'm going to be totally honest here. In my mind I thought since all my suffering came from man and I deserved whatever man did then I could never lash out at God or be angry at God cause He was man. I discovered my thinking of this lie along time ago in counseling. I dealt with that lie but never completely on my thoughts about men. I know we should always be honest with God and tell Him our true feelings. He knows them anyway so we need to be honest with ourselves.

Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of you. I will carry you and save you.
Isaiah 46:4 NCV

God will always love me and take care of me no matter what! God never leaves us or forsakes us. We may wander from Him but He is always waiting with open arms for us to come back. Thank You Jesus!

Rejection goes along with my thoughts on men and goes along with the instability. I get in relationships with men that I know deepest in my heart they are not for me. Because of the comfort zone. I know how it's going to feel at the beginning, the middle and the end. It's not a good feeling but it's what I know and I find myself self nodding to
You are so right...
I'm not worth wanting
I'm not worth loving
I'm not worth pursuing
I'm not worth fighting for
I'm not worth keeping
I'm not even worth noticing
Ouch does that hurt! Rejection can also gives us temporary insanity. I have found myself even obsessing over someone that I didn't really like but because of my comfort zone I felt that I needed them. I didn't even really want to be with them. But that's what I deserved. Putting up a front doesn't work.

As Beth says "God knows exactly what happened and what a toll it took. (oh what a toll it has taken on me)He knows the number it played on our mind. (oh did it) Let Him bring you peace. Let Him tell you you're worth fighting for, and yes, keeping".
God is the reason we are here. God knows it's scary to be us! I heave a sigh of relief just knowing that.

I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed for I am your God.
Isaiah 41:9-10